Storms in Paradise
by Cavaticarose
Summary: Veronica Shepard lands on Virmire.


I look up at the beaming hot sun as it shines over the picturesque jungle-covered coast. A storm brews in the distance and charges up the sky, lightning flashing as quick as insight. The scene could be plastered on any number of ads or vidcards. Perfect temperature, no spores, not even a pyjak stinking up the place. It's a wonder Virmire is so isolated. It's a paradise.

I have a bad feeling about this place.

The Council finally trusted me enough to share intel related to Saren. Somewhere on this planet is a salarian task force that has intel on his movements. But instead of a happy little meet and greet, we have to land the Mako hot right in the middle of geth. The silver lining to all these damn robots is it points to Saren's presence.

I try to tell myself not to worry, and that the sense of dread I feel has nothing to do with the planet. That I'm only worried that this will lead to another dead end or crazy errand. That the fear that's clinching my chest is that I won't get any closer to finding Saren, or figuring out what the hell this Conduit is.

But even in telling myself that, something just doesn't _feel_ right.

We run through the geth like clockwork and take out the AA towers. We make the slow, damp trudge along the coast to the salarian encampment. We get the debrief from the very put-out Captain Kirrahe, who, despite the horns, green skin and wide eyes, reminds me of one of my old mates. McDonald from my N training, but salarian. I decide right then that I like him, and I want to make sure he makes it out.

"Why is it every time someone says 'with all due respect,' they really mean kiss my ass?"

Ashley's grousing snaps me out of my reverie. "This is my decision, not yours," I snap. And part of me worries that whatever tension I feel, Kaidan and Ashley feel it too. I need to hold it in, at least for their sake. If they're worried, they won't fire straight when I need them to.

But then when I find out about the krogan army, the breeding facility, and the genophage cure, everything pulls hard to port.

Wrex is _pissed_. And not the cute, mercenary-pissed act, or dealing with Vakarian mouthing off in the elevator pissed. It's the kind of pissed where I finally see the passion behind the jaded, centuries-old carapace. The kind of pissed that does more than test our tenuous alliance. The kind of pissed that almost makes me falter, that makes me question years of what is 'known,' and more importantly, what has to be done.

And part of me _hates_ him for making me question myself.

He stomps away to shoot fish. The rest of my crew give me uneasy looks, hoping that _I'll_ have the answer for how to quell an angry warlord, seven-hundred years my senior with kilos to match. I don't have the words. And I hate the feeling gnawing at my gut. If I can't find the words, then I'll have to find the bullets. And for some reason, this time, _this_ time, I don't think that's the right call.

I bite the inside of my cheek to steady myself, then stride over to him. _Keep calm._ He eyes me warily, then fires off another round into the water before looking me square in the eye.

"This isn't right, Shepard," he sneers. "If there's a cure for the genophage, we should have it. My people are dying! And you want to destroy it!"

"Saren needs to be stopped no matter the cost, Wrex. You knew that when I agreed to have you on."

"I joined your little cause because I thought we'd be fighting for something bigger than credits. _This_ is bigger than credits, Shepard. These are my _people._ You really think I'd turn my back on this?"

I can barely feel my fists clinch as I say, "In a way, yeah. I do. You wanna help your people so bad? Go back to Tuchanka and rally them. Show them all what it means to be a fucking krogan. This? This damn cure we _just_ found out about? That's not krogan, not like what you've been telling me."

"You make it sound so easy, Shepard. Just 'go back.'" He leans in close, shotgun inches away from me. "How easy you young ones forget. You've done more than most I've known. I'll give you that. But I don't like this. This is wrong, Shepard."

"Wrong is your kind reduced to a slave race," I retort, leaning into the shotgun barrel until I feel it grazing my stomach. "Wrong is giving Saren the upper hand in this fight. You want bigger than credits, you fight for me. You want this cure, then step over my corpse and grab it."

I grab the barrel and lock it in dead in my chest. "But if you want to save your people, then forget about this cure. The cost is too damn high."

He gives me a baleful look, violet swirls lapping around his features. After a long pause he jerks the shotgun barrel away from my grasp and holsters it.

"I don't like this. If we find anything in there useful, I want it."

"Deal." I let out the breath I held for too long.

"I'll…think about what you said. For now."

"For now's all I need, Wrex." I size him up, satisfied that he at least looks like he's not going to kill me. "C'mon. Let's go kill some shit."

* * *

We all have our jobs, and there's a comfort in hearing my crew over the comm. Team Bomb has Kaidan, Liara and Tali in the midst, working to build the improvised nuke and dump it in the drop-off point. Team Distraction has my girl Ash, where she gets all the fun tagging as many geth as possible.

Team Shadow has me with Garrus and Wrex. Garrus because he can actually sneak worth a damn, and Wrex because he doesn't have to. The fact that I can still keep an eye on him is secondary.

I still feel bad about it all.

"You enjoyed that," Garrus remarks, watching the asari scientist run out of the complex full tilt.

I shrug and give him an easy smile. "C'mon. Let's see what Saren's been up to."

We enter the lab, and all of a sudden I feel a faint tug at my head, a sharp focus that sets my teeth on edge. I look around until I spot it. Another one of these damn beacons. As I get closer the sensation gets stronger, this feeling of dread, regret, chaos. A massacre. Machines. Worlds destroys by the dozens. Absence. Loss.

Annihilation.

I feel myself getting lifted roughly from the ground. I pinch the bridge of my nose and screw my eyes shut, trying to remember what I'd kill to forget. It feels like the same vision I saw back on Eden Prime. With the Cipher stored in my head I can almost make sense of it. But that feeling, a mix of remorse and hope, devastation and defiance… What does it mean?

"Did you see anything different this time?" Garrus asks.

"Business as usual," I reply. "We're fucked if we don't do something about it."

I beckon for us to leave. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a flicker of intense red light. I turn.

 _Oh…fuck._

* * *

 _Vanguard of our destruction. Over my dead body_.

I race toward the bomb rendezvous point with Garrus and Wrex hot on my heels. That _thing_ is fucking sentient and wants to wipe us out. Sovereign is a fucking Reaper and we are _fucked_. The only thing that will help right now is nuking this place back to the stone age and getting the hell out of here.

I spot the Normandy overhead as we reach the area. Everyone on my crew clear and accounted for. Except for Ashley.

"Williams, where the hell are you?" I radio in. "Quit racking up your kill count and get to the rendezvous point!"

"Negative, skipper. We're boxed in bu… these damn geth. Trying… foothold to the AA towers, but… losing reinforcements."

 _Dammit._

"Commander, we have time," Kaidan says. "I can watch the bomb while you go back and get her."

And part of me is still annoyed that he's always so damn formal in front of everyone else, but a bigger part of me is grateful. He knows just the right thing to say to put my head on straight.

"Good thinking," I say, lightly knocking on his armor. "We'll be back before you know it."

"You better," he says back.

I head toward the AA towers, stealing a glance back as Kaidan orders the rest of the squad back on the Normandy. Dread still clinches at my chest as I race back to Ashley's position. The storm rolls in closer, the sounds of thunder mingling with gunfire, reassuring me that I'm not too late. Dammit I'm not too late.

I'm not too late.

A different rumble vibrates overhead, and I look up to see a geth dropship fly by.

"LT, heads up! Geth coming in hot on your position," Ashley yells in the comm.

"They're already here!" Kaidan responds. "There's too many of them to hold off. I'm setting off the bomb."

My blood turns to glass.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, Alenko!?" I shout.

"We finish the mission, whatever the cost. I'm making sure this bomb goes off. Go get Ash."

"Belay that! We can handle ourselves, Commander. Go get Alenko and get out of there."

I stand paralyzed, the seconds stretching out to eternity. I hear another dropship overhead. I'm too late after all. Too late to save them both.

"Ash," I say into the comm.

"You know it's the right choice, skipper."

 _Yeah. I know._

"Ours not to reason why," I say.

"Ours not to make reply," she says back.

"Ours but to do and die," I finish, already heading back to the rendezvous point. "Give every one of those flashlights hell. Die proud."

"Aye aye."

* * *

Getting choked out by a cybernetic turian was the cherry on top of a goddamn awful day. I leave Dr. Chakwas' medbay with a sore neck, sore throat and a sore heart. I croak out a command to Pressley to get us to the Citadel. The Council has to believe me this time.

I go down to the cargo hold to clean out Ashley's locker. Waste not, or we wouldn't be Alliance. Except this _is_ a fucking waste. All the effort I spent trying to keep everyone else alive, trying to build unity, and she of all people had to be the one to go.

As I empty the locker of her personal effects, letters, mods, and books, I hear a shuffling amble behind me. I turn. It's Wrex, and he looks a mix of angry and angrier at me.

"Shepard," he nods.

"Wrex. What do you need?"

"After we find Saren, I'm mounting his head in the CIC." He gives me a hard steady look. "She was too young. But she fought hard. She was strong. She'll be remembered."

I blink back the sting forming in my eyes. "She will," I reply, voice harsh and distant. I turn back to the locker, sorting through her armor mods.

Wrex roughly claps me on my back before leaving. "You're stronger, Shepard. Remember that."

I nod, back still turned as I hear him walk away.

"I will."


End file.
